Saturday, February 24, 2018

I Am Visited By The Ghost Of Abbie Hoffman...

I’d just finished putting this up when I heard a vaguely familiar voice say: 
“Whoa whoa Whoa Man! What Gives? 
I turned and saw him - the hair, the flag shirt, he was unmistakeable: “Abbie? Abbie Hoffman?
“Man! I knew things were getting bad, and the counterculture was selling out and all, but ‘God Bless the FBI?’ Really? It’s come to this?
“Oh man - Abbie - listen: Things… things’ve gotten really weird lately.
“I’ll say.”
“See, somehow Donald Trump got elected President - you remember him at all?”
“Real estate guy? Kind of an asshole?”
“Yeah, except it turned out he was all kinds of assholes: he was a racist asshole, a sexist asshole, an idiot asshole… sort of a compendium of assholery.”
“Like Reagan…”
“Oh no. Worse than Reagan, way worse. Trump’s such a soulless rightwing lunatic Nazi he makes Reagan look like… well, like you!”
“Wow… That is bad.”
“But on top of it all he’s a treasonous asshole - he’s selling the whole country out to a bunch of Russian oil gangsters with dirt on him.”
“Yeah? How much dirt?”
“Plenty. After a decade or two providing dirty money and teenage girls, they’ve got enough dirt on that little cash-starved Casanova to fill an open-pit coal mine. But that’s not even the worst of it…”
“I’ve got time. I’m a ghost.”
“Okay. You gotta understand, it wasn’t like the ignorant racist stuff was a surprise. The guy literally kicks off his campaign by calling Mexicans rapists, and then spends a year spouting enough stupid, jingoistic and hateful racist bullshit to make the Nixon tapes sound like the Sermon on the Mount. The establishment Republicans hate him, but when he wins the primary they figure they’ve gotta play along. But when he gets rolled into the RNC, they find out he’s just a big, fat Trojan Horse straight outta Moscow - stuffed with Rubles and a tape loop of Vladimir Putin laughing his ass off...
So the Republicans just about shit themselves: ‘Holy Fuck!’ they say, ‘lookit the bastard! He’s stuffed full of Rubles! What the fuck are we gonna do…?’ Now the obvious thing would’ve been to wheel the fucker straight back out the door and say ‘Sorry America, but this fat orange bastard’s stuffed with Rubles and we can’t make him President’ But instead… and this is where it starts getting weird… instead they just help themselves to the rubles and pretend there’s nothing wrong.”
“Really?  You thought that was the weird part?”
“Well, I guess I was hoping patriotism might be the one goddam thing they weren’t lying about, but it’s pretty clear the Russians have dirt on them too. Everything’s done on computers now, so spying’s gotten a lot easier. And the Republicans have become a lot more religious, so they’re even hornier and more fetishistic than ever. Hell Trump just busted for getting spanked with a magazine by a pornstar while watching  a shark documentary on TV… 
“Let it all hang out man!”
“Anyway the Republican leadership probably figured the guy was gonna lose so they’d get away with Operation Rublesnatch and nobody’s the wiser. Instead, with the help of the Russians, the big fat traitor wins and the Trojan Horse gets wheeled into the White House, only now instead of being stuffed with Rubles he’s stuffed with idiots and racists and Nazis and the like that become his cabinet members and advisors. But the guy’s such a ham-handed clown the Russia stuff comes out within days, the RNC’s dirty as hell and the Republican voters have gotten so inbred, propagandized and bizarre they’d rather have the Russians running things than the Democrats - mostly due to this one TV news network run by this nonagenarian Australian billionaire bastard who’s banging one of Mick Jagger’s exes.”
“No, Jerry Hall. Things have gotten weird, but they haven’t gotten that weird… Anyway, long story short, the FBI ends up being the only thing left keeping us from being a large English-speaking Russian colony with diabetes.”
“So now all the freaks are putting up signs saying ‘God Bless the FBI?’”
“Nah, just me. And just this one so far. Y’know, I’ve put up over 7,000 signs that didn’t say ‘God Bless the FBI’, how come you didn’t show up for any of those?”
“Probably because you didn’t hang them thinking ‘Damn I’m glad Abbie Hoffman isn’t here to see this…’”
“Yeah. I guess that makes sense.”
“Anything good happen while I’ve been gone?”
“Weed’s legal now. And it kicks ass!”
“Lay some on me brother…”

Signs Posted - 7,368
Arrests - 0

Thursday, February 22, 2018

San Francisco

 "There is always a strong case for doing nothing,
 especially for doing nothing yourself." 
                            - Winston Churchill
 Signs placed on US 101 and Interstate 280 in San Francisco

 "At this point we find ourselves confronted by a very disquieting question:
 Do we really wish to act upon our knowledge?" - Aldous Huxley
"Treason doth never prosper: what's the reason?
Why, if it prosper, none dare call it treason."
 - Sir John Harington

"I think it only makes sense to seek out and identify structures of authority, hierarchy, and domination in every aspect of life, and to challenge them." - Noam Chomsky
Signs Posted - 7,367
Arrests - 0

Friday, January 19, 2018

Why The President Getting Spanked With A Magazine Watching Sharkweek Matters

You watching football? Your guys winning? Good. ‘Cuz I know how y’all love winning… Hate to complain, but last time you “won” turned out to be a bit of a disaster — pretty much a year-long nightmare of chaos and Nazis and treason and stuff. Turns out the loudmouth racist asshole you elected didn’t make such a great president. He didn’t just set the country back - he aged us all something like five or ten goddam years. But hey, at least you got to drink up those sweet sweet liberal tears, right? Now I know it’s supposed to be some kind of “new normal” but there’s still some basic rules, y’know? We still have a social contract and if we don’t stick to it things fall apart. Like when you say something stupid and I make a snide remark and then you get back at me by electing the worst person in the whole wide world to be President.

And then you go back to watching football so you can be “winning” again while us loser snowflakes who actually give a damn about what happens between elections have to deal with the guy you made President just to annoy us. So we’re the ones listening to him lying his ass off and ranting crazy shit about fake news and deep states. Or tweets out weird and paranoid lies about being a victim or pompous blowhard asshole lies about being a hero. Oh yeah - He called Africa a “shithole” the other day. Insulted the whole continent… We’re thinking that’s some kind of record.   I know you don’t care about international relations - unless it’s a war, so you can “kick ass” and do more of that winning - but in just one year he’s managed to alienate something like half our allies, practically gut the State Department and severely damage NATO…  These things are essential to the survival of our country and it’s vitally important you take them seriously, like when my guy wore a tan suit or had dijon mustard.
For us, social progress is both a moral and creative imperative driven by our need to fulfill both our social obligations as well as our creative potential. In other words, it’s our magical snowflake powers that make us social justice warriors. Even though you may not appreciate our efforts, or even see the need for change, you depend on us to keep doing it: if people like me didn’t make things, people like you would have nothing to attack, and without any threat of change your identity as a “conservative” would be meaningless. This identity through opposition is the very soul of our contract, and through it certain cultural expectations have evolved, some being crucial to the function of our society, specifically that people like you go apeshit about sex stuff!
It doesn’t matter who it is, when a politician is caught dead to rights paying hush money to a porn star followed by another porn star saying he was trying to cop a threesome… it’s your goddam duty as Conservative Americans to lose your shit over it. We spent three goddam years listening to you assholes drone on about Clinton getting a blowjob, and if you think we’re gonna just let you ignore your moth-eaten lothario getting spanked with a Forbes by a pornstar watching shark week you’re even more batshit crazy than we thought. Which believe me is saying something.
Now I just finished telling you how far down this guy’s flushed our country into the toilet. If you’re gonna let him slide on all that and then sit on your hands for the porno stuff too, then you’re moving into brand new territory, and it ain’t covered in the terms of our contract. Having a leader who can do no wrong is just fascist shit, pure and simple. If you want to exchange our limp-wrested little Democracy for the tiny-handed grip of fascism under Donald J. Trump, go right on ahead. Under the benevolence, wisdom, quiet strength and Christlike humility of Ol Bonespurs McPussygrabber, how could you possibly fail? But you’ll do your marching under his banner because you can all go fuck yourselves if you think you’re taking our flag.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Save The Arctic backlog

  "What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?" - Henry David Thoreau
 Signs posted around California in 2014 - just cleaning house a bit here before the Trump Administration hits the fan...

"The shortest answer is doing."
-George Herbert

  "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
 "Freedom of speech is a principal pillar of a free government; when this support is taken away, the constitution of a free society is dissolved, and tyranny is erected on its ruins." - Benjamin Franklin

  "Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted." - Aldous Huxley

 "There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies." -Winston Churchill
 "Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe
Signs Posted - 7,372
Arrests - 0

Saturday, November 11, 2017

SF Bay Area

 "Democracy means that people can say what they want to.
 All the people." - Dalton Trumbo

 Signs placed on Highways 1 and 101 and Interstates 80, 280 and 580 throughout the San Francisco Bay Area.

 "I really do inhabit a system in which words are capable of shaking the entire structure of government, where words can prove mightier than ten military divisions." - Vaclav Havel

 "There is only one success,... to be able to spend your life in your own way." - Christopher Morley

"If you don't like how things are, change it!  You're not a tree." - Jim Rohn 

Sanctions against Russia under the Magnitsky Act were supposed to be implemented on October 1st. 42 days have passed since then without implementation nor explanation from the President.

Signs Posted - 7,357
Arrests - 0

Saturday, November 04, 2017